The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Hebrews 5:6
“In my mind, this is clear,
What am I doing here?”
These lyrics are from the movie, The Wiz. Many people have memories of how this movie was fun to watch and how you could dance to the music. For me, the lyrics rang through my mind and I would sing them often out loud reflecting how deeply my heart was hurting. That was my song! And the words occupied small crevices in my life. My smile hid the pain and my laughter masked the depression.
For most of my life, I couldn’t figure it. Real joy and peace always seemed temporary. And I finally made a simple yet profound decision to do something different. My life had become a set of rules and lists in a feeble attempt to exercise control over my space. In so doing, I guarded my space, allowing nothing in and nothing out. My heart had compartments I wasn’t willing to address, forgiving, trusting, confessing, anger.
Insanity of Sameness
I desired something different and I was willing to do something different. Being comfortable and living a lie was killing me spiritually. I desired to do more than just exist. Aggravation, irritation and frustration were losing their grip. The Lord showed me through his Word, that He had more for me than a mediocre existence. I was feeding my body junk and my body was returning junk to me. I made up in my mind I wanted all He has for me!
Telling the Truth
I had to be bold in telling my story….the good, the bad and the ugly. So often, I was concerned with what the story would look like and how people may treat me differently. Yet I learned how important it is to be vulnerable. It’s a freedom to just be. I learned that my testimony helped others to refresh and come to terms with their story. My story isn’t one of shame and pain, but of hope and possibilities.
Importance of Fellowship
Many times church hurts can take you on paths that meander to places we never intended. But I have learned, there are always lessons in the valley. Church hurts are major distractions designed to steal your assignment. I realized that when I heard my First Lady Johnson say, “The devil wants your assignment!” Folk are just folk! And by giving people authority over my emotional and physical space, I had placed God in third place. I understand there are times to step back to reflect on what the Lord is saying. But leaving the fold will isolate your mind and invite activity and thoughts that are not in line with God’s word.
Embracing His Abundance
My life was changing right in front of me, yet I was holding on to the very thing I needed out of my life. A part of me felt as if I didn’t deserve anything good. It’s hard to explain just how unworthy I felt. Yet, realizing that I was made in God’s image forced me to embrace my inheritance quite differently. I look in the mirror and rejoice just because God sent His son to die for me! That’s powerful!
Quiet Time
I love my time with the Lord. I am blessed knowing He never left me. When the noise in my mind silenced, He was still there. When my body was violated, He allowed a small voice to remind me that my life was valuable and to just hang on. Through the winds blowing softly, through the trees or the sounds of waves rushing to the shore, He reminds me He’s still there.
Giving Thanks
At one point my story and I were interchangeable. I was lost in the details of the stuff. My focus was on the situation and I dressed daily in the circumstances. I could never imagine life any other way then. I didn’t fully understand the restlessness within. But I was clear when I listened to the testimonies of others and read the stories of love and lost in the Bible, my life certainly could have been worse. Therefore, even when I woke up in pain, I would remind to be thankful! And because of that, God has something for me to do.
Living on Purpose With a Purpose
I am Standing In the Land of Promise
*God’s promise to never leave me
*God’s promise to never forsake me
*God’s promise to forgive my confessed sin
*God’s love never fails, because God is love.
Can’t go wrong with God first, then people, then things!
The rip tides of life had me spinning and trying to swim back to the shore of mediocre existence. If you are ever caught in a rip tide, you should remain calm, relax, float or tread. I was fighting becoming exhausted and about to drown.
The voice I heard said,
Be still. Be quiet. Be calm.
I listened and stopped fighting. When I looked straight up and focused on the Lord first I realized I WAS STILL STANDING!!!! I looked down around me and saw the water was only knee deep! I WAS MORE THAN A CONQUEROR!!!!
I AM THE LORD’S SERVANT!!!!
Prayer: Dear Lord, thank you for saving me from myself. Thank you for your Word that has filled my mind body and soul. Thank for healing and for making me WHOLE! I give you praise and honor. Amen
